I’ve decided to release monthly instalments of a story I shall make up for all people to read and enjoy. This is the November portion.
Chapter 1
Oh the cafeteria line…” Rudolph sighed softly as he drew in a sight of a massive clump of his fellow coworkers attempting to order food. Modern day capitalism allotted 30 minutes for food and traditional lunch timing made everyone appear around 12:00 pm with a margin of error of 15 minutes.
Chatter filled the tiled floors and painted ceilings, Rudolph attempted to figure out the speech of the majority but only gave himself a horrible headache. In this case of slight carelessness, a person tried to squeeze out Rudolph’s spot but his astute attention allowed him to resume his quest for pizza down the red walled store.
Despite the boredom of the wait, Rudolph didn’t attempt to take out his phone, partially because he needed to pay attention to his line, and partially because he didn’t want to seem like a degenerate of society doomscrolling in a lunch line. Instead, he studied the tiles on the ground and how every yellow tile was surrounded by 8 white tiles. This was effective as he observed the footwear of people, and more importantly if they were moving forward or not.
There was a certain regret he felt after 6 minutes of waiting as he saw the salad line had cleared up. Though, the sunk cost fallacy and the fact that the salad was overpriced, and well, it was a salad of all things. Who wants to eat salad when pizza is on the table?
Probably healthy people who have loads of money to burn anyways. Rudolph answered his own question.
Finally after 10 minutes of tile staring and ceiling contemplating, he received two slices of pizza and a free drink, totalling at $9.50, a complete robbery in his opinion but he did get a monthly quota of free meals totaling to $200 so it was sort of justified due to the majority of people at the cafeteria being employees.
Rudolph had planned out his lunch so that he could be there a bit later to avoid eating with loud noises around him. Sometimes he would come extremely early to quickly finish off the food and get back to work. However, today was like the rest of the days as he took a seat at an increasingly available area to eat and quickly leave. There was still a walk back to his workstation to factor into the lunch.
The adverse effects of eating pizza with bare hands is the grease the sticks on the fingers making touching wallets and phones abhorrent. The solution was the bathroom, which for some unknown reason had to be far away.
Why can’t they just install a sink in the cafeteria itself? People would be reminded to be more hygienic and after eating typical American food they can relieve their fingers of the crime against nutrition right after. Rudolph was in a particularly grumbling mood as he tussled soap between his fingers. The mirror placed in front of him allowed to see his hair ever approaching the “scruffy” line and his eyes filled with a somehow energetic pulse when he himself felt bone tired. Whoever said that the eyes is a window to their soul must mean that multiple souls reside in the same body. I clearly have at least 2.
Of all the unending hygiene tasks, Rudolph quite liked the texture of damp hands on moderately coarse paper, it was like scratching but so much better than just using harsh fingernails to excavate skin.
The temperature difference hit Rudolph when he walked outside the main building, it was like an entire wave of heat washing over his body with the intense rays of light attempting to penetrate his skin. After around 10 seconds of walking Rudolph started to sweat profusely. Eventually, he made it to the main gates where he found his soon to be seat for a couple more hours, a security desk.
His coworker nodded to Rudolph and made his heat filled journey to the cafeteria. Rudolph took up his residence looking at air around him while enjoying the air conditioning.
He was tasked with letting only people with identification enter the elevators and stairs; anyone else was directed to the 2nd floor to check for other forms of identification like citizenship papers. However, it seemed like the people of the building didn’t like to leave very often, or that the lunch rush was already over as Rudolph continued staring at air.
So boring… Why am I so sleepy today? Rudolph started unable to keep from his eyes shutting fiercely. Typically he was able to keep up with the demands of continuous consciousness without the help of sugar or coffee, but today he could barely keep his head up. Sleep… wouldn’t that be so… nice… Rudolph had a lapse of ability, and fell off his chair, completely asleep.
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Rudolph woke to his own saliva on the floor as he saw himself on the ground with his chair tipped over. However, the ground didn’t look like the ground anymore;instead, it was more like small thin lines that keep phasing out of sight extremely fast creating an illusion of ground. He even saw his own weight affecting the curvature of this “ground.” He poked one finger in, and sure enough, the ground started curing beneath him ever so slightly.
What in the world…? With extreme confusion Rudolph looked around. There was no building he was responsible for– there was only endless expanse of darkness. There was no desk, chair or anything, just empty darkness and himself, at least the parts that he can see of himself. There was a faint light emanating from above, but when he attempted to observe it, he saw more darkness behind and around it. The light had an unknown source. No, the world is gone… Rudolph was sure he wasn’t asleep; he felt the ground bend and curve and felt his now clasped hands on top of each other.
He stood up. There was not a single sound around him– not a single thing. Only the weak light that came from nowhere filled the expanse, but due to the inverse square law, it became more dim as he continued to see out. There was simply nothing here.
If this was death, I’d have nothing and be nothing. If this was life, things are not this empty. A liminal space… A boundary I suppose. And with that thought, Rudolph started walking away from the light, never turning his back. If a boundary exists, there must be an end where the real place starts.
Soon, he could see nothing, his retinas did not register the tiny amounts of light he could receive. There was nothing to see, nothing to hear, only his soundless footsteps on the accursed moving stiff fabric ground.
And I thought doing security was boring… Rudolph continued. He played back the memories of life as he continued the walk towards the unknown.
His youth was vague, not very memorable. He had embarrassing situations like swallowing marbles memorized, but they were like a sore thumb that stuck out. High school was highlighted as an attempt to become the opposite of the teacher’s pet, the teacher’s enemy, but by the time he was graduating he had not a single reference letter to his name. Alas, this is the effect of waging war on teachers. College was a dream afforded to affluent people and people who actually had reference letters. Though my parents never cared, I think I still would have liked to go to college. Rudolph continued walking. Nobody cares about anything nowadays, attempting to foster some sort of care only affords the most extreme hatred. Rudolph continued walking.
He couldn’t see anything anymore. The only sensation that told him that he was walking was his thoughts of moving one foot in front of another. He was not particularly smart, not particularly strong. The only thing he had was persistence. And I only need persistence.
Adulthood had been harsh, a desk security job was already quite nice and he could actually pay bills. Turns out, most people are paying for streaming services that they don’t even use most of the time. Crazy stuff. He kept walking until the entirety of his life played out within his oculus mentus.
It felt cold by now, even though many calories were burned by the walking, the cold temperature started getting to Rudolph as he started thinking about various foods and his interaction with those foods. There were great big not-too-sweet strawberry cream cakes that could be sliced and eaten along with fresh fruits like mangos to complement them. He kept walking.
So thirsty, so tired, so hungry… Rudolph felt the fatigue in his bones. There was no reasonable way to keep track of time, there were no landmarks, there was nothing to see. Just an endless expanse of darkness that he couldn’t even see himself in. He kept walking anyway.
There were no thoughts left, Rudolph was too tired to make them. The only actions he could do was continue his long walk.
He kept walking.
After an indeterminate amount of time, Rudolph could be best described as stumbling as he continued on. His throat was parched and legs were sore. Why do I keep walking? Is there really an end? Maybe– no. I cannot stop. I have stopped for 10 years now. I need to keep going.
One foot over the other, no discernible passage of distance, Rudolph kept moving.
There is a void where ordinary people fill the empty space. Each individual soon fades out of existence, their momentary existence doesn’t matter a single bit, it is almost like they were never alive in the first place. Ordinary people with all sorts of beautiful emotions and human life were just numbers in a list. No one ordinary was important enough to be considered real.
Am I real? Rudolph reflected. Everything I’ve done so far, I’ve never seen to the end. If I had planned my rebellion properly, then even if it failed, it still would have happened. If I had wanted to be a literary scholar, I could have used my free time to read and write. Will I live life just to live life?
Rudolph shook his head and kept walking. Everyone is insignificant, including myself. No one is real until they walk down their path to see the end. Everyone is given a chance to become real. I will become real.
Each step felt less and less tiring. Something seemingly impossible isn’t impossible if an insane person puts their mind up to make it possible. Rudolph ignored his bodily needs as he kept pushing further.
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Every step was a shuffle now, but somehow, Rudolph felt that in front of him was nothingness. Nothing that he could see, feel, hear, smell or taste. There was nothing in front of him, not even the ground.
This is the end. What lies ahead?
The unknown awaited people who walked out from the known.
I do not know what is in front of me. I do know what is behind me. I do not wish to become another watermark on the leaflets of history, no not even a watermark, there’s not even a stain. If I die, so be it. I never lived in the first place.
Rudolph walked into the empty darkness.
End of November installment, part 1.
